boardinghouse

BOARDINGHOUSE
I would like to thank the generous Loyal Minion that gave me this idea, and many more besides. It isn’t too great of a task to throw a few ideas my way once in awhile. I mean, for those of you not even buying a friggin fifty cent e-book, help a brother out here. A little creative brainstorming is all I’m asking. I do all the hard work, dredging two pages of dense writing out of the my dank and oxygen deprived swamp of a mind and all you have to do is send a line or two with a new idea. Those that sent ten bucks or whatever, you can just kick back and think evil thoughts on those not contributing. Not that you have to, I’m not asking for anything else from you, not even seething hate. You can instead just feel mildly superior. You know I love all of you. Anyone that can read my drivel and then come back for more is all right in my book. But let’s not get a tragedy of the commons thing going on here where there are free loaders. No free lunch, damn it all to Hades. Contribute something. I bought Rawles book, cause I read his blog every day. And I’ll buy the next one. It’s only right. Just a little plea to the few here, no need to pay attention if you’ve already done your part. And, by the way, “paying” attention doesn’t count. I’m not a magazine, I don’t get extra money for extra readers.
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When you have roommates, you basically get a bunch of people together that can’t stand each other. Someone is a pig, won’t wipe the underside of the seat after a night of beer causes diarrhea. Another turns the TV too loud, subjecting you to screaming fat incestuous hillbilly relationships on daytime talk shows. One guy won’t eat any fiber and stays in the bathroom for a half hour, and you usually have to hear him grunting, moaning, and calling out to God to help him as he desperately attempts to shoot out a turd that is three weeks old and has the diameter of a softball ( I don’t know if the ladies here approve of bathroom humor, but since it’s mostly guys here I indulge frequently if for no other reason than my own amusement ). Everybody is trying to cook at the same time, and generally one of them has stolen someone else’s food so it turns into screaming and elbowing. Someone is always behind on rent, and because most of them are young, lazy, ignorant and living off meth, prostitution or welfare, everyone panics because no one else can cover the difference and homelessness haunts them all.
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People living in a boarding house, by contrast, are not giving to misunderstanding that they are equal. They are not pitching in on rent, entitled to equal say in all matters. They are renting a room only and have no say in how the rest of the house is used. They have their meals cooked for them, thus are not entitled to kitchen privileges. Plus, this is not a bunch of kids renting an apartment, feeling free to trash the place since they have no reason to worry about consequences. It isn’t their deposit or credit rating on the line, and no one knows anything until the place is renting all over again. In a boardinghouse, the owner is directly effected by renters behavior, and knows immediately. He/she/they can rent by the week and kick out malcontents quickly. Traditionally, boardinghouses were run by a widow. The home was already paid for ( the notion of a widespread need for mortgages started shortly after the Federal Reserve Bank was founded and later zoning and codes came along to kill the owner built on a cash basis home-all coincidence I’m sure ) and she was already used to cooking for a family. Her routine was kept pretty normal and she got the cash needed for daily living. In the future, I’m sure we’ll see the return of boardinghouses.
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It won’t just be widows now. Almost everyone is stuck in their mortgage by several factors. First, house prices are falling as much as oil imports, eight or ten percent a year and guaranteed to accelerate. You can’t sell in today’s market without taking a haircut. A heck of a lot of people are upside down on their homes. Plus, it is stupid to give up your job right now. I wouldn’t want to move to another area even if I was going to work minimum wage, not the way retail is suffering. Of course, if you can scrape up two grand by liquidating everything you could buy a east Texas lot and a beater trailer, move there and garden and fish and collect Food Stamps and live a peaceful, non Rat Race life. Before the economy went south, the unemployment rate there was ten or twelve percent. Imagine what it is now. You could honestly claim there was no employment so you could easily latch on to the government teet. Just have silver rounds so you can pay the property tax ( silver instead of currency to avoid the effects of inflation ). I think it might conceivably be a sellers market for boardinghouses. You can keep hold of your home, even if one or both of you get laid off. More and more people won’t have any place to live. They can’t afford houses, even now, so they rent apartments. But very few apartments are being built, what with the credit contraction, so prices there are rising. People will be coming to you. Give a married couple a slight discount ( the cost of two boarders, minus a little ), since two are staying in one room.
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Another big consideration is the communal eating/cooking. You are factoring in the food with their rent. Together, their two costs constitute a bargain for them. For the home owner, there is profit without out of pocket expense. You can cook cheaply because you have the time and equipment and knowledge to cook from scratch. Plus, you can buy at a Costco or Restaurant supply place for a discount. Your boarder can do neither. While he pays you less than what it would cost him, he pays you a lot more than what it cost you. It is a win/win. You are already giving him cheap shelter by only allowing them a room. Then, you give them a cheap way to eat because you are splitting the bulk cost of food and energy. If you are baking twenty loaves of bread at a time, the cost per loaf energy wise is much more negligible. Granted, a single person could bake an entire ovens worth and freeze the surplus. They could buy meat in bulk and freeze. They could crock pot. But, most of them can’t do it, out of ignorance or out of lack of equipment investment. You are providing a service most can’t match on cost.
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And, since you are providing a sought after, bargain rate service, they are under your control. You can keep an orderly and quiet home. Any bad behavior earns expulsion, and they know others are in line to take their place. You could, if done right, pay the mortgage, your energy and food bills, and Internet connection ( I wouldn’t offer more than antenna TV to keep it cheap and legal, but you can split the broadband connection easy enough ), all through the boarders. Your costs drop to almost nothing. Your home turns from a money pit, expensive, never ending rent-equivalent shelter to an actual investment that pays extra. All you have to do is cook and clean. With that kind of set up, hell yes I would be a house bitch in a heartbeat. I’d even wear a pink fluffy apron. There will still be slight issues. Parceling out bathroom time, partitioning garage or master bedroom or family room into separate living areas. Refereeing disputes. But, all in all, this is a way to take that sour mouthful of lemons and turn it into sweet lemonade. You were stuck with a house payment, now you have a paying investment. You might have quite a few hours a day of work still, but the quality of life will be better. Now, having said all that, we might still be too close to the start of the collapse. It might be too soon to resurrect a great old idea. People might not be ready just yet. Too radical of an idea, behaving properly and respecting others property. And giving up certain freedoms for the sake of frugality. But it might just be what folks have been waiting for. Another thing to be aware of, I have little knowledge in legalities. Such as renters rights in your state. Or, laws pertaining to the disabled. Believe it or not, back in the day I was renting out my rooms, a guy in a wheelchair started giving me crap for not having access for his chair. I have a feeling he was cruising for people to sue, but a quick look at our mobile home must have given him a pass on us. And, you are welcome. Another great idea to help weather the storm.
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