THANKS, EVIL SPAWN
I think it was a minion that mentioned the book “Crude World” by Peter Maass ( Crude World: The Violent Twilight of Oil (Vintage) ). Being a fellow that is predisposed towards book suggestions of a apocalyptic, catastrophic or cataclysmic bent, I looked it up on Amazon. It didn’t sound very thrilling so it did not get added to my wish list. A list that is constantly being added to despite my best efforts to subtract through ordering. Anyway, before I get off on a tangent about my wish list, perhaps boasting of its incredible length ( that’s not what she said ), or how despite my verbal abuse or snide comments I love all my minions all to pieces because even though I’m the sorry bastard doing all the work without their support I couldn’t order as many books as I do, or perhaps even nagging you all to never stop adding your suggestions so I never miss a great book and its in your best interests since I’ll buy the damn thing and perhaps save you money on a complete and utter hunk of decaying donkey offal such as “One” ( One )( for the love of all that’s holy and just, get to the damn point and stop sniveling like a little bitch, this is a zombie book, blood and destruction and violent mayhem, not a crying jag about lost family- fem writers cover the angst and drama, the emotions. I expect male authors to kill things, hate people and lust after boobs ), let me just come to the point. Although I wouldn’t spend a dime on the book, I wasn’t adverse to checking it out at the library when I accidentally stumbled onto it. My advice? Don’t even bother reading it for free. To sum up- Mr. New York Liberal Writer Puke goes around the world and breathlessly reports on all the terrible conditions oil creates. Vicious dictators, massive pollution, greedy executives. Oh, my, God! Look, Nancy, American soldiers are guarding the Ministry Of Oil as the antiquity museum down the street is looted! How Shocking! Alert my butt humping “life partner” how sensitive I am over this matter. I’m not sure why a book publisher paid for this research, and gave this guy a paycheck. Newsflash, no one gives a crap as long as they can drive their tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing, tie-dye shirt covering saggy boobs and armpit hair ass in a Saab to the Save The Earth rally. Al “I invented the Internet” Gore isn’t the only hypocrite around, he is surrounded by over 300 million of them.
Before we get into today’s subject, let me make one thing very clear. Crystal clear. Clear as the fact that Obammy is as bad as Baby Bush ( Poop on Bush! anti-bush baby Toddler T-Shirt ) but with a better tan. I hate my ex-wife. I don’t just dislike her. I want bad things to happen to her. Not right away ( until the kids move out ), and I certainly won’t waste my time or my anal virginity ( as in, going to jail over her ) on it. But I am really rooting for karma to kick her considerable ass. Regardless of what happened or who was at fault, the fact remains that her response was disproportional. She is still trying to make me suffer, and that just ain’t right. Revenge and justice should be proportional. It is highly unlikely she ever was as serious in the relationship, so it shouldn’t mandate an eighteen year long jihad ( The Grand Jihad: How Islam and the Left Sabotage America ). I want that understood as I make this statement. Thank you very much, evil spawn of Satan, for forcing me to be were I am today. And I’m not being sarcastic. Without her forcing me into abrupt financial straits I wouldn’t be as secure and prepared as I am right now. It was a long road, it took a lot of sacrifice that I myself made. But she gave me the push I needed. For that I thank her. She is still an evil swine, but her actions actually helped me in the end.
I was well versed in the art of basic frugal living ( Frugal Living for Dummies ). My mom went from middle class housewife to quasi-hippy and by the mid seventies we had all the suburban homestead paraphernalia. Large garden, solar dried fruit and clothes, wood heat. I turned the Corona to make a weeks worth of whole wheat bread. We ate absolutely no junk food or soda. Even the pasta was home-made. I lived Mother Earth News. And when I first started buying books when I got in the service, not only did I buy survival and militia ones, I read all about living unconventionally ( such as with “Living Without A Salary” [ How to Survive Without a Salary: Learning How to Live the Conserver Lifestyle ] ). But, perhaps in rebellion to living hippie, I wanted nothing more than a middle class life. The wife, the one point five kids, the white picket fence. Oh, I still had my idiosyncrasies, such as my extreme dislike for automobiles ( at the time, the hate was the cost, not the soon to disappear fuel ), but I was overall normal. Armed, with food stores, but not too different than the Yuppie Scum I hate and pick on now. I hated the affluent Yuppie back then, brilliantly portrayed in National Lampoons Christmas, but I was a Yuppie Junior at least. I was just like you- thinking a few months of food and an auto pistol was all that was needed to survive.
After a nasty divorce, I immediately went from middle class to slum dwelling trailer trash. ( Trailer Trash: The World of Trailers & Mobile Homes in the Southwest ) I was poor as working poor can be. And even though I had the childhood background, and the book knowledge, I didn’t have the proper attitude for it. My mind was still in middle class mode even as I was poor. So it took awhile and it was a hard journey to finally throw off my normal American middle class aspirations and embrace frugal living. It is an easy thing to do, but only after you stop thinking around money. After you stop equating money with security and think of the reduced need for money as security. After you stop thinking that comfortable and money are intertwined. You must look at a slight bit more labor and a slight bit less comfort/luxury in order to start to live on less money. You can read all the books you want, but until you embrace a reduced standard of living as desirable, you can’t live the frugal life. I might, or I might not, have voluntarily made the switch without the Handmaiden Of Lucifer. I like to think I would have done it on my own, but who knows. I certainly would not have been prepared enough in time if I’d waiting too much later. By the time I “discovered” Peak Oil ( Hubbert's Peak: The Impending World Oil Shortage (New Edition) ), I was already well on the way to frugal living, so cutting the grid umbilical cord was easy. I wanted to be independent of the landlord, so living in tin box poverty was agreeable. She thinks she got one over on me, taking half my income all these years. But she pissed it all away ( and never on the kids- more like on a Mustang or eating everyday at Subway ) and I made myself a lot more independent. Who will have the last laugh?
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