silo of death

SILO OF DEATH


Pursuant to official policy, Wal-Mart security is notified immediately ( cleverly using automated facial recognition software ) of my arrival to any store. An undercover agent is sent scurrying to the coffee isle first, to make sure no generic coffee at $5.28 is available. If there is still time they also rush to the isle with rice and beans and make sure the beans at half price are all hidden. Sometimes I can do a fake movement towards the non-food side and then quickly switch back to the produce section where the coffee is just one isle away. At times I can get the last can of coffee, even as the staff are busy trying to push bread racks in my way. Once they ran out of time and could only dash the side of the can on the shelf, hoping I wouldn’t buy a damaged item. Lately I’ve had no luck getting the beans. When the 68 cent one pound bags are gone ( they even started labeling those “approved for WIC” in a pathetic attempt to deny me my supplies ) you either buy the name brand for over a buck a pound or have to buy the twenty pound gi-normous sack to get the cheap price. I just went ahead and bought the big sack, at sixty cents a pound. Then, since I had a bit of extra cash I bought another bag of cat food and a tote to put it in. The cats need their post-apocalypse food to supplement the ground squirrels.

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So I was feeling all super duper about my weekend. A big haul of beans and the cats food stockpiled ( and, about damn time, a propane heater fuel filter- thanks to Creekmore for the reminder ). But then, disaster. I reorganized the van to make more room for trailer clutter ( and put more water in The Pit- I have a connection at the bottled water place for the occasional jug ) and decided to empty out a tote or two. I was going to empty the bags of grain into the available poly buckets, put the buckets in The Pit, and use the totes for junk storage. And I ended up throwing away five hundred pounds of corn. Mold in five out of six bags. I know it isn’t the storage in bags. I’ve done that often with no problems. My van stays bone dry. And the bags not ruined were the old brand in paper bags. Those with mold were another brand in those plastic weave type bags. I’m ninety percent sure they came with the spores. But just to make sure, no more tote storage- buckets only. And, no more corn. Just wheat. I’m not too worried about the replacement cost which will be under two hundred bucks ( I’m assuming that kernels still follow the general price rule of matching retail white flour, so about $36 a hundred pounds- I haven’t been to the feed store for awhile ). I do hope I can replace the grain quicker than the middle east oil is cut off or whatever other BS happens to us. I don’t like being under a three year supply which I think of as a minimum. Moral of the story- use small storage containers to limit damage to your grain. And think hard if you really want corn. I’ve never had damaged wheat.

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The April 2011 issue of Wired had an article on an old military missile silo being turned into an end-o-da-world retreat. A software engineer bought a old silo for a quarter million bucks and is going to retrofit that bad boy and sell the condo units to the rich and clueless. The condos start at $900,000 and he has already sold three out of seven stories in the complex. Start at almost a million apiece, and you are almost half sold out. As you are still retrofitting the place where the rich and powerful can wait out the apocalypse in the style they are accustomed to. This tells me that a lot of people are rich enough to buy this kind of insurance, although presumably not rich enough to build their own underground mansion, and that most of these rich people are incredibly stupid. The place advertises military level security and five years worth of food, with power being supplied by geothermal and wind turbines. Let’s start out by listing the problems this place is going to have, shall we ( and by the way rich dudes, this advice is free but feel free to hire me for a more realistic plan )?

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Military level security is basically a lot of locked doors with touch key entry and a few guys standing around with M-16’s. Silo’s were not designed to be secure AFTER the collapse, but before, with a fully functioning above ground society performing as the primary security. When the folks living around your silo have secure jobs and full bellies, and local plus county plus state law enforcement act as a ring of security around your site, you don’t need serious security. A few wing nuts with assault carbines will do ( and in case of a credible attack the phone lines are working to summon back-up, so the secure doors most likely will do well enough ). But even with a breech, the launch keys will remain secure. The launch was secured, everything around that was marginally defensive, and the large area around the base served as a trip level defense. After The End, grid-up security measures are no good at all to you. Expect outsiders to access your facility if they are so inclined.

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Even if my optimism about an attack is unwarranted ( which I doubt- just disable the windmills and the power shortages do your job for you ), you have a far larger problem if you are a rich dude. Even if the silo is 100% secure against outside attack, you have to worry about the staff on the inside. You see, you are a rich, fat, worthless bastard. You contribute nothing to society. You are very well trained in stealing money, but your real world, post-oil age skill set is zero. After you pay your million bucks to live there, your usefulness is over. No one will need you hanging around, demanding room service or hitting on the female staff ( what? You think your banked bucks will buy anything for her? ). What is to stop a small armed security staff from killing all the useless guests so that the food supply lasts a whole lot longer? Dollars to donuts they even secure your room electronically. They just lock you in and starve you. No noisy gunshots to alert the other guests. But even a big messy massacre isn’t a huge problem for a determined palace guard. This has got to be one of the worst survival deals I’ve ever encountered. Power outages, invader breaches, room-lock in or centrally prepared food poisoning or lack of credible defense to foil the guards ( the bodyguards eat the same food, right? ). Seriously? You think this is a great piece of insurance?

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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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