selling santas crap

SELLING SANTA’S CRAP


Well, thank all the gods that Christmas is over. Remember, before the empire crumbles it sees the most lavish human sacrifices of all time ( in other words, the excesses are never more excessive right before it all comes crashing down ). Christmas has reached the pinnacle of stupidity with its greed and naked desperation for gift giving to support the once great retail sector. Most people would love to react to the commercials like the brain dead zombie Pavlovian dogs that they are and rush down to every single sale out there, but their means of production are gone, the credit cards are maxed and the income stream is in decline. I couldn’t believe this morning, Monday, with the pathetic “news” reporters blathering on about how stores expect to see day after sales much better than expected due to gift cards and discounts. I don’t know where this alleged shopping is going to take place, but here in Elko there was about zero traffic on the road all morning. Two weeks before Christmas if you were foolish enough to drive into the shopping center containing J.C. Penney’s you were literally run over by crazy Yuppie bitches in their SUV’s and minivans. It was such a dangerous situation, akin to the exit of a bar parking lot at 2am after a two for one chicken wing sale, karaoke talent night and nude dancer event, I went the long way around even though it was dangerously close to my lunch time. Today, the lot was deserted even late morning, tumbleweeds and litter outnumbering the cars. It was the same everywhere in town, and if you’ll remember correctly, town is one of the few places left in Nevada that still has a functioning economy. The Yuppies here are not in as bad of shape as Vegas or other pestilent sinkholes. Things are pretty bad when you have the “news” fabricating events to stimulate sales after a holiday season that was supposedly not too bad ( most likely, it was just a giant loss leader ).
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And now that the unholy event is concluded, it is time to think about selling all the crap Santa gave you from this and every other Christmas. You know, I know, and Ross Perot’s twin brother that the North Koreans didn’t kill knows that any time now the economy is going to take such a huge squishy dump that all the previous bad economic news like failing banks, imploding European Unions, food riots in the middle east and car company bail-outs is going to look like a mildly infected splinter compared to Bubonic Plague. When that happens, not if but when, all your toys and expensive possessions are going to be worth not pennies on the dollar but something far, far worse. They are going to be as valuable as buggy whips sold at the Daytona 500. Your RV’s, your ski-doo’s, your ATV’s, your electronics of every type and size, all that crap and so much more will be worthless crap no one can afford to buy and with no available fuel or content worthless even if it was affordable. You might be a year or two early right now, but this is something you can’t time. So get the hell rid of it all before the general population tries to do the same in a blind panic. Right now, husbands everywhere are seething in resentment that they didn’t get anywhere near the crap they wanted for Christmas. They work their balls off and all they get is a stupid tie or sweater. No I-Pad or notebook computer or Super Deluxe Ab Pumper or whatever. And wives are pissed that their jewelry is as fake as their D cups, their shoes are Chinese sweatshop fake knock-offs and their tight ass friggin husbands didn’t buy them a BMW like the couple in the commercials. This might be a good time to come along with these worthless trinkets at rock bottom prices. Are they worth a lot more? Could you get more if you waited? Perhaps. But prep supplies are just going to go up in price whereas worthless consumer crap is a highly flexible market. Better to take a slight loss now than wait until you can’t give them away.

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The Sheeple still think the good times are coming back. They invest in super sweet bargains and you get the cash to invest in real valuables like wheat and ammo. When the end comes, their $50 computer is worthless. But you have six months of food. It didn’t matter that you spent $300 for that computer and sold it for $50. What matters is you secured six months of food before the panic. Remember when coffee went from $8 a can to $12? For once, Wal-Mart didn’t jack up the cost of their item ( one imagines they had a fixed price contract rather than they actually thought to not alienate their loyal customers some more ). Their can stayed at $5.30 the whole time ( well, their blue generic can. The Wal-Mart brand Great Value crap was $6.50, tasted worse and you needed to use one third more for the same flavor ). But you could find the can on the shelf only a quarter of the time. They were always out. The same is going to happen to prep supplies of all kinds, even bags of rice or beans or #10 cans of anything. If you can’t find it for sale, it doesn’t matter what the official price is ( like gasoline during a natural disaster ). You can’t wait until the last minute to shop, because stuff won’t be there. Last minute shoppers are idiots to the last. Sell your crap at a loss, buy now before the rush, and thank me later. Hell, by then the web will be down and you won’t be able to buy through Amazon, so you can save money and not pay me back for this wonderful advice which is just sweet garnish on the crap sandwich you wish you could serve up for my lunch. Damn ingrates.

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