99 BIG WHEELS
I’m sure as soon as you all read the comment by the troll saying that I should write about Big Wheels ( I think he was pissed he had to read another few words on bug out bicycles ) you instinctively understood that there was a fifty/fifty chance that I would take him up on his offer, no matter how steeped in sarcasm it happened to be. But you said to yourself, self, how in the world could even such a talented and wonderful creature blessed by Baby Jesus himself come up with an article on Big Wheels for survivalism? People, this stuff might look easy, but I think here is proof positive that it takes supreme talent to do all I do. Today’s article is on two topics, one being the three wheel bicycle as a survival conveyance. Okay, it technically isn’t a Big Wheel, that wonderful plastic tricycle that was for most the first vehicle any of us ever had unless we were just poor white trash living in an Appalachian coal mining town shack wearing flour sack shirts, watching whitewash dry ( too poor for actual paint ) and seeing how closely your cousin could be related to you before your offspring was stunted and looking like some freak from Hiroshima ( ohhhh! The humanity! How could he possibly have such a marked lack of compassion? ). But it is a Big Boy Big Wheel, so I call it close enough. Now, even I’ll admit that this article lacks much importance, so I’ll throw in some familiar ranting on the Republican Party Idiot O D Day. That might not be enough to keep you off my back, but I’ll deal with it.
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Oh, and one other thing. Speaking of “99”, remember that German band in the early Eighties singing about “99 Red Balloons”? I think that was the title of the song. If you listen to the English version ( the German version of course sounds better in a Teutonic Wench Pleading To Dominate You With Bondage Gear kind of way ) you might enjoy the reference to nuclear war worries ( the Balloon Going Up ). Okay, let’s get back on track. We all agree that bugging out by bike makes perfect sense because the bitch can’t break. Well, anything can break, but the odds are so far against it because you have as close to zero moving parts as is possible in a vehicle. A car on the other hand has close to a gabizillion parts ( actually 987 thousand kazillion ) to fail and with your luck one of them will on the worst possible day. Bikes are, at no additional charge, both on and off road. And the cost difference is insane ( about one to twenty at best ). Also, with a motor vehicle, once your fuel runs out you have a worthless tool. With a bike and just a handful of parts that thing should be good for years after the collapse. I think the reason so many Yuppie Puke Bastard Scum Survivalists insist on everything petroleum powered is because they refuse to believe it will ever disappear ( Little Johnny, where does meat come from? A white tray from the store ). Their argument is, It’s The Best For The Job ( giving an example of a chainsaw verses hand saws, for instance ). They don’t want to ask the more pertinent question of What Is The Best Tool For PODA ( Post Oil Dark Ages )?
Now, while I won’t ever switch to this kind of bike, it does have advantages. A three wheeler is great for cargo hauling and remaining upright. A regular bike, two wheeled, is of course easily turned into a cargo hauler, but if you are suddenly attacked you have to let the bitch fall over. You might damage precious cargo. And you usually have to get untangled from a regular bike if you want to run or return fire. With a three wheeler you are far less encumbered at defense. Plus, if you are old, you almost have no choice but to have this type of bike ( okay, perhaps one day I’ll be forced to go three wheeled if I live long enough and the collapse hasn’t happened ). I don’t pretend that I have any more information than you on this bike. I don’t know prices other than you are paying a premium due to its low volume in demand. If the idea appeals to you the research should be easy enough ( guest article, anyone? ). It certainly is an option for a tool for a certain problem.
Next up we have friggin Newt Gingrich and his stupid comment on how 99 week unemployed are slacking whores. Okay, he actually only hinted at that. He did say something to the effect that “99 weeks is an associates degree”. As in, why are these slacking ho bitches wasting my tax dollars lounging about in the sun drinking beer when they could be earning a college degree. Newt, I usually love ya big fellow. You are a politician but at least you know history which makes you a less than total idiot of a politician. But here you are either showing your ass or showing us what a sell out you are. ANY government pay out has its share of hucksters and cheats. The unemployed are no different, that doesn’t make all of them so ( you have as many cheating the Social Security system or the military disability system or whatever ). And, workers pay into the system. To me it is just another tax I’ll never see a return on, but to those using that argument about SS, here is the same rationale. You can’t say everyone is entitled to SS but not unemployment. Third, you stupid twat, more college degrees do not create new jobs. They just create more debt for people who can’t afford it. It’s a good thing I have no plan on voting ( your vote is not for a candidate, your vote is your consent to being screwed by the establishment- if voting actually changed anything it would be illegal. Castro had 100% voter turnout at each “election” ).
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